We are waiting. I’m not super-big on waiting ever, and I am super not into waiting right now. Especially not about this baby that I love basically more than anything ever in the history of everything (not hyperbole). I do a pretty-good chicken-little impression, so I am REALLY GOOD at worrying (1) that the judge is just going to send these kids home, despite the very real and immediate reasons these children were removed, and the fact that it would basically mean the entire intervention process was worthless – literally EVERYTHING NOW is exactly the same as when the children were first removed, almost two years ago…(2) if the judge does the right thing, he will only do it for the older children, not my baby, because she hasn’t been in the system long enough – hey, you failed at these two and now they have a history of trauma and multiple home moves, but here take this perfect baby and see if you can do the same to her!, (3) if the judge does the right thing for all the kids, then someone is going to pop out of the woodwork to claim babyX…like a grandparent, who hasn’t been bothered for the last two years, and isn’t going to take the older kids, but hey, here’s a perfect baby and someone else already got it through the exhausting newborn stage, perfect!
I talk to other foster parents with children who do not have a good reunification in sight, and they feel the same. It seems the universal foster parent feelings are (1) watching our foster kids with their biological parents is one of the most painful things on this earth for a large variety of reasons; (2) terror for the future for these children; and (3) not a lot of hope or faith in “the system” (something we entirely share with the bio-parents but opposite!). And I AM “the system” – I HAVE to believe! But from everything we have heard, this judge is not likely to make the decision we want – even though it should be right under the law, and has been recommended by the guardian, and literally nothing has been done to make positive changes to create a safe life for these children at their biological home – in fact, affirmative statements have been made that the bio-parent will continue doing specific behavior regardless of the court’s decision! AMAZING! And yet…no one can even say it’s more likely than not. It’s just…waiting.