We are in the process of wooing BabyX3, who is no fool and knows that shit is going down, even though none of us have told her. The process is exhausting for us, but I cannot even imagine what is going on in her brain.
On our end, we have managed to get her room together, which means getting all of our stuff OUT of the room (formerly partner’s office, now 4 yr old bedroom) and minimilist stuff into room – enough to be welcoming and to give comfort and fun but leave very little to be destroyed in fits of rage. It’s a complicated balancing act!
On X3’s end, no one has really told her anything, but she knows that she is going to have to leave the house she is in, and she knows we are probably her next stop. We have already had at least one victory; today when given an option of library and dinner at Perkins vs. shopping for flower seeds and then going to McDonald’s she chose…LIBRARY! YASS! This was our third library trip, our first (very minor) meltdown, and the latest in the evolution of her attempt to make sense of her life and who we are and what we will be to her. FYI we ARE going to tell her shortly, we just wanted to get started on WHO we are before we said “oh, and here is the rest of your life”. But, she knows. The list of questions/comments we have fielded in our last two outings have included:
- -” I want a present. For my birthday.” (me: when is your birthday?) “I don’t know. I don’t have any birthday.”
- – “I want my VISIT MOM” (bio-mom)
- – “Is my mom in jail?”
- – “Is my mom going to jail?”
- – “Does he [partner] beat you?”
- – “He [partner] isn’t going to shoot?”
- – “He [partner] doesn’t have a gun?”
- – “So he [partner] is nice?”
My poor partner, by the end of the last two outings he has been breathing carefully and holding it together. I am beyond stressed out by the multiple daily updates from current foster mom regarding “behaviors”…but I am weirdly calmed by the questions – it means we can address things head-on rather than dealing with secret volcanic eruptions of hidden trauma.
X3 will hit our house head-on next week, for our first real time without the exciting distraction of being “out” for eating and treats and adventures. I hope the pets are up for their task of being charming!
