Woah, that story was really some seriously depressing shit! But, you know, it was some depressing shit to go through, so there you go.
Like plenty of others faced with infertility before us, we were left asking, what do we do now? Over the last two years, we have explored every option. I do not judge any other person for any choices they make in their reproductive journey. It is quite possibly the most personal decision you can make – and should you ever face this decision, you will be AMAZED at how many people have an opinion about the decision you SHOULD make. After a lot and lot and lot of exploration of options, self-analysis, and heart-searching, we have decided to foster children and we hope to adopt one or more in the future.
I cannot tell you – AND YET I AM GOING TO IN THIS BLOG! – the sheer everything this decision brings. Excitement for our future, sadness for the sheer number of children going through the foster care system and the experiences that have brought them there, joy that we can help some, depression that we cannot do more, failure that we are unable to simply have children, anger at the completely undeserving people who produce children (yes some people are really, truly, undeserving), exhaustion at explaining our choices, gratefulness for the unconditional support from our family and friends, hope that someday our family will grow permanently, anticipation of the heartbreak of all the times we will say goodbye before that happens. This blog is an emotional and informational outlet for the endless circles of second-guessing, hope, stress, and excitement, as we move in a non-linear fashion towards a goal I never wanted and is now something just slightly less than all-consuming.